


I hope you can love me

by littleMStar



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Captain - Freeform, Dinner, Drama & Romance, Friendship/Love, Hugs, Love Confessions, M/M, True Love, Vulcan Kisses, complicated love, fear of loving, first officer, love in the stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 08:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleMStar/pseuds/littleMStar
Summary: What to do when you are completely in love with your captain and can no longer hide?Commander Kirk, since the Academy, is in love with his captain and friend Spock. But, when the human decides to bring his feelings to the fore, and tell Spock how he feels. He finds that getting Vulcan to love him back will be more difficult than he could have imagined."The relationship between such different people will always be complex. But if both parties are willing to make it work. There is no force in the universe that can separate this love."
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock, Spirk - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	I hope you can love me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Star Trek-Spirk (BecauseIAmAWriter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BecauseIAmAWriter/gifts).



“Commander Jim Kirk, the report was not delivered until 9 pm yesterday. You made it very clear that everything would be ready. However, I see that I rushed to trust a being who apparently has no sense of responsibility. "

"Oh, don't be like that Captain Spock! You need to be more relaxed, look, I know I should have delivered everything until yesterday. However, something inevitable happened and I went to solve it. I'm really sorry, Spock. I promise to reward you! What do you think of do we have dinner at the Iron League today? I pay. "

Spock felt his face heat up, since he had met Kirk on the first day of the gym. The blonde changed his life completely from top to bottom. Whenever Jim Kirk was around, something always got out of Spock's control.

He didn't want to admit that those bright blue eyes somehow messed with his subconscious.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Commando Commitment Kirk. The last time you took me out to dinner the result was unsatisfactory for either party."  
Jim rolled his eyes, he wondered how Spock could be so difficult to deal with. Even so, the blonde couldn't help provoking and causing chaos in his co-worker's neat and completely organized life, whenever he had a chance.

"Okay, I admit that the result was not the best last time, but, I swear this time I will behave myself! I will be a complete gentleman. And I will not try to sleep with any waitress in the restaurant, okay?"

Spock felt his brain warn of all possible danger warnings from all sides, he knew he should refuse. But, a small part of him wanted to believe Kirk.  
Believing that he would not cause triggers and damage to the brunette. Believing that he would not leave him alone again to go back to some woman. Believe that he would really be responsible. And even with all the evidence pointing to say no! He accepted.

** SK **

The ride on Fast Mobile was extremely uncomfortable, Spock felt Kirk was looking at him for the entire trip. His cheeks started to burn, he wanted to open the transport door and get out of there as soon as possible. But before the brunette could take any action, Jim broke the ice, trying to relieve his colleague's tension.

"Hey, I hear they are making lobsters with sweet and sour sauce today. I know it's your favorite dish… so if you want to order, I'll pay you without any problems."

Spock was surprised, he had no idea that the blonde knew this was his favorite dish at the restaurant. After all, they had never talked about things they liked or disliked.  
The brunette lost in thought did not realize that they had just arrived at the restaurant.

When they entered the restaurant, the attendant at the entrance asked politely, about their reservations, and then indicated the table to which they were assigned.  
"Very well, gentlemen, it is a pleasure to see you again. We thank you for your preference! And I hope that your stay today will be pleasant. Have an extraordinary dinner."

** SK **

Kirk hoped the night would be perfect. He wanted to redeem himself for delaying the report, but he didn't know how to apologize to Spock properly. Whenever the blonde was close to his colleague, it was always difficult not to end up saying something wrong, especially, causing some embarrassment.

Jim knew that his colleague was difficult to reach. Since they exchanged looks for the first time 5 years ago. He wanted all the attention he could get from Spock.

He wanted to have those intense brown eyes always looking in his direction. He wanted Spock's sweet pink mouth whispering his name casually. And mainly, he wanted the brunette's heart beating fast in his name.

"So what do you think of this table? I thought maybe a little privacy would be better, at least, no one here is going to stress you out. I know how you hate crowded and noisy places."

"It is very kind to pay attention to this detail. In fact, I find places that are noisy and crowded with people quite repulsive. This table is acceptable. The view from the window is also pleasant."

The brunette was really satisfied. For the first time since he met Kirk, the blonde was showing himself responsible and attentive to details. Spock was still trying to understand why the colleague was so different from what he used to be.

"So I needed to speak to you in private, Captain Spock. I would like to apologize for the delay in the report. I know it's inconvenient for you. I swear I didn't want to cause you any problems. But, yesterday I had some personal problems with my brother and I didn't have any. how to deliver on time. "

“And well ... it's not just that. Spock, I know I was an asshole these past few years. I always try to get your attention and in the end I end up complicating everything, making you uncomfortable. I do not want this anymore. I want to be able to be by your side without you wanting to leave. "

Kirk's heart was beating fast inside his chest, his entire body was sounding cold. He joined both hands, took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

The blonde didn't want to ruin everything. Today was the day when he would tell Spock everything, open his heart for the first time intimately to his colleague. Jim's eyes stared at the floor and flashbacks floated in his mind. The day he met Spock was so clear. 

Flashback: 5 years ago, Starfleet Academy:

"Damn it! I can't believe I'm going to be late on my first day at the gym! I need to buy a new alarm clock, and I will make sure to break this current crap into several pieces!"  
Kirk was running fast and wasn't paying attention when his body hit someone. The two bodies automatically fell to the floor.

When the blonde managed to assimilate what was happening, he realized that he had run into another freshman.  
Brown eyes looked at him with intensity and anger. Kirk felt that he was lost! For the first time in years, he wanted to go back to his mother's womb. He knew he needed to apologize to the brunette as soon as possible.

"I'm really sorry!! I should have been looking where I was going. But then, I woke up late and you know how it is, right? We end up losing track of everything that is on the way ..."

Spock felt his head throb with pain. He got up from the rough floor and cleaned his red uniform. Taking a deep breath he tried to remain calm, and not waste years of meditation and effort to control his emotions.

He looked at the being in front of him. The freshman who had dropped him on the floor had blue eyes and messy blond hair.

Vulcan wanted to ignore that guy entirely and pretend it never happened. But, his ways kept him from being rude. Even if the situation was unpleasant for both parties.

"Very well, do not expect me to be kind. I would like to point out a few things, the first of which is in accordance with Art. 123 of the rules book of this institute. It is forbidden to run within the limits of the Academy. The second is that I I don't understand what a delay is, after all, my dear, I have always organized myself on time. "

Spock feigned an ironic smile and closed his eyes a little. "So, I hope that will never happen again. I will be extremely grateful if you are out of my line of sight from now on."

That said, the brunette picked up the books that were scattered on the floor and left.

The blonde froze, his eyes wide seeing that pompous figure and hair disappearing on the horizon towards the institution.

Kirk also picked up the books and started walking again, but as he walked the blonde couldn't help thinking that the man was really interesting. Perhaps, he had found something that will keep him entertained for years to come.

Today, 5 Years Later:

"Did something happen? You have been silent and looking at nothing for a long time." Spock was trying to understand what was going on. Kirk was a little flushed and embarrassed. The brunette imagined that he might have a fever.

Jim smiled uncomfortably, he didn't notice that he was dispersed too long. "It's okay. Don't worry, Spock, just, well ... let's stop messing around, shall we? So, what are we going to eat?"

Kirk had lost track of where he was, he felt his face heat up. And he was concerned that the colleague had noticed. So he tried to change the subject as soon as possible.

"Are you sure you don't have a fever? You look pretty flushed to me. If you want we can go." Spock was almost getting up when he felt Kirk's hand grabbing the sleeve of his shirt.

Spock looked down and saw where his colleague's hand rested. Jim kept his gaze fixed on his colleague, then withdrew his hand and opened his mouth to say something, but the waiter had just arrived to take the orders, and unintentionally disturbed both of them.

"Good evening, gentlemen, do you already know what you are going to order? If you wish, I can bring today's menu." Spock kept looking at where Kirk's hand was. His skin was hot and tingling.

The blonde had recovered his composure and asked the waiter to bring the menu, giving them more time to talk.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done that. It was reckless of me, and I promise, it won't be repeated. But I'm fine, okay? You really don't have to worry."

Jim was anxious because he knew that Spock was not very fond of physical contact, and especially physical contact without warning.

"It's okay, Jim. I didn't care." In fact, Spock didn't like being touched by his body without permission. But at that moment, he didn't care. Somehow, that not even he understood, his body begged for more contact.

Spock straightened up in his chair, and spoke calmly, trying to look calm. "About what you said earlier." The brunette felt his cheeks sting again and could almost hear his heart rate increase.

"I have no desire to go when you are close. It is true that you make me uncomfortable at times. And your lack of responsibility is something that totally gets me off track. However, I enjoy your company."

Spock's arm moved slowly until he reached the blonde's hand and touched his skin gently with his fingers. He was trying to be kind. Perhaps taking a little risk was the best decision at that moment.

Kirk blinked a few times trying to make sense of the scene before his eyes. And as soon as Spock realized what he was doing, he withdrew his hand quickly in embarrassment, but before he could take it all out, Jim held his hand by interlacing each other's fingers.

The two stared at each other, and felt as if all the air in the room had been completely drained. A few seconds later the waiter arrived with the menu. The two released their hands, regaining their composure.

So, they placed the orders waiting for the dishes to arrive. The room was filled with silence, no noise but breaths were present. Until Jim decided to start the dialogue.

"Hey, would you like to play inside the Holodeck later? You just released the new game from the programmer you like." Kirk was tired of this. Tired of always being uncomfortable when it came to Spock.

Tired of not knowing how to act or what to say. The blonde sighed and continued "Look, I don't want the weather to get weird between us Spock, if you don't want to go just say it's okay."

Spock had a serious look on his face. He was measuring his actions. And failing to process that situation. His emotions were a mess!

What it was was extremely unbearable and irritating. Spock's species was not used to having to deal with emotions. It was difficult for the brunette to assimilate and control the mess Kirk caused inside him.

"I think it is already late. Maybe we can go another time? Tomorrow we have a meeting very early. As your superior and colleague, I prefer that everything happens as planned."

Spock had to get home as soon as possible! He needed to meditate all night in an attempt to control his emotions. Emotions that were disturbing him by talking and doing things that had no logic whatsoever.

A few minutes later the waiter arrived with orders. They ate and didn't talk anymore over dinner. When they finished, they shared the bill. Kirk offered a ride, but Spock chose to take a taxi.

Each went their own way. And Jim lost all hope that he had anything to do with Spock. The brunette was unattainable. Thought the blonde.

** SK **

The next day Spock had not slept at all. He spent the whole night in meditation. But even so, he couldn't get the blond out of his head.

He was exhausted and did not know what to do. When he got to work he avoided his colleague all day. Trying hard to keep my distance. However, it all went downhill when he was forced to attend the council meeting.

Spock was sitting on the left side of the table and on the other side he could see those blue eyes looking at him intently. The brunette wanted to run from the room and run away from Kirk as soon as possible.

But he knew that at one time or another he would have to face his colleague. However, what was really causing a dark fear inside the brunette was the idea of having to face the feelings he pretended not to feel for Kirk.

The meeting is over and Spock can finally breathe normally, he followed Commander Taylor to the door. The two were talking about the new measures that should be implemented in the ships. When he felt an overwhelming presence. It was Kirk.

"Captain Spock, can I speak to you? Sorry to bother Admiral Taylor. But I need to rob the captain a little bit. I hope you don't feel upset." Kirk showed a friendly smile.  
"Why, as long as Captain Spock doesn't mind. It's fine with me!" Commander Taylor burst out laughing by patting Jim on the shoulder.

It was time for Spock to face Kirk. He couldn't run from him forever. "Everything is fine, Admiral Taylor, as soon as I finish here I will immediately send the data he requested."

Spock made the Vulcan sign of long and prosperous goodbye to Taylor. "Very well, have a good conversation, gentlemen." The commander withdrew towards the door of the room, leaving the two alone.

Spock felt his stomach churn, he knew that at one time or another it must happen. But even so, his body froze and the air in the room became thin. "I can imagine, what are you going to say Jim, so I must ask you to get straight to the point."

The brunette sighed lightly, trying not to show that he was nervous. And desperately trying to control the emotions that are beginning to take hold of you.

"So I'm going to get straight to the point, as you prefer. I'm going to ask you two questions and I hope you are sincere. The first is why did you ignore me all day? And the second is what did I do to deserve this?"

Kirk took a deep breath trying to maintain control. He didn't want to make a scene. Spock ignoring him all day hurt. And it hurt even more not to know why.

"I didn't ignore you all day. We just didn't have a chance to have a conversation. And I don't see the logic in the second question. I can't answer something that I don't understand." 

Spock kept his face serious and neutral. However, inside, a fight between his feelings was fought.

Kirk felt the lump in his throat rise, the urge to cry that he was controlling to increase. "Funny... you always told me that Vulcans don't lie. But right now, you're lying to yourself, Spock..."

Kirk fixed his gaze on the brunette's face and continued. "You said you can't understand the second question. Well, Spock as you said yourself and all the other Vulcans keep saying, just like your father."

“Human beings are emotional. We! We are emotional. We cry and smile. And we love, and God!! How stupid we are. We love ... we love Vulcans who pretend to feel nothing! How can we love beings so cold? "

Jim felt all self-control going down the drain. He gave in to emotions.

"You know ... I wonder why I fell in love with you. It's ridiculous. It's illogical! Exactly, it's illogical." Kirk uttered the last sad sentence. He felt his eyes start to water. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to control the tears.

"I'm never going to bother you again. It's just ... everything we have to say about us. From now on, it's better for us to be just, superior and subordinate." Kirk sighed and wiped away some tears that insisted on continuing to fall.

Kirk was exhausted and just wanted to go home. He turned and walked to the door. And he said for the last time, "I hope that one day you will have a chance to truly love Spock."

Spock was alone. For the first time in his life he felt loneliness. He felt pain and anguish. Emotions that he did not approve of. Emotions that almost led to the end of Vulcan.

Spock felt ashamed, ashamed of what he was feeling. He failed his species, he failed himself. But most of all, he felt he had failed Kirk. He didn't want to hurt his colleague. And  
Spock just wanted to disappear at that moment, along with his emotions as well.

Starship Enterprise, one month later:

After a few weeks Kirk was on his way to deliver the final report on the new land mission to Spock. The atmosphere between the two was full of tension. And Jim, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to look at Spock.

He gathered all the courage that was left inside him, and touched the small button on the door, warning that he had already arrived. The door was opened, and Kirk spotted Spock standing in front of the window watching the stars.

"Captain Spock, I came to deliver the latest report from the mission in Newfoundland. Sorry to bother you, sir." Kirk was tense. He entered the office cautiously. Spock was now sitting in one of the armchairs and as soon as he heard the blonde's voice he looked up.

"The report… oh, yes. I express my gratitude. First Officer James Kirk." Spock got up and took the report from the blonde's hands. The brunette's heart failed as soon as Jim's eyes met his. He took a deep breath trying to say what he needed so badly.

"Jim, I would like to know if you could come to my cabin at 11 pm. You know ... after hours. There's something I really need to talk to you about, of course, if it's not an inconvenience." Spock realized that Jim was very serious.

He was pondering whether or not he should go. But for Spock, it was a matter of pure logic. If it were a Vulcan who was in that situation. The answer would certainly be no. But as humans they are in the habit of being unpredictable. Spock was betting his cards on that play.

"Well, Captain, I don't think it would be appropriate to meet my superior alone, especially after hours. After all, people can comment. And you wouldn't want that, would you?"

Jim used an ironic tone. He was not believing that that being in front of him, who seemed to have ice instead of heart, wanted something.

Spock felt the attack right. However, he would not hit. Deep down he felt guilty, and he was willing to accept the offense.

Kirk realized that he had managed to affect Spock. The blonde hated how his heart was such a traitor. He felt sorry for the captain, and after losing to reason as usual. He decided to accept. But deep down, he was afraid of what might happen.

"Very well, I accept. I don't think it's a good idea yet. But ..."

Spock was relieved, he needed to clear things up with the blonde later tonight, or maybe, he might never have that chance again. 

** SK **

Spock was anxious. He was meditating the rest of the day trying to stay calm. He knew that the conversation he would have with Kirk would destabilize his self-control much more.

Jim had that power over Spock. When it comes to the blonde he always lost control of his emotions.

It was two minutes to 11 pm and Spock was sitting on the edge of the bed. Going over and over what he was going to do and tell Kirk. Thinking and rethinking each action. He sighed, needed to remain calm, or he would never have the courage to do what had to be done.

The cabin bell rang. Spock felt his heart fail for the second time that day. He took a deep breath and opened the cabin door.

Kirk was out of uniform, just wearing a black sleeveless T-shirt and baggy gray pants. His hair was wet, he was probably out of the shower recently. Spock thought.

Spock asked the blonde to enter politely indicating that he sit in one of the armchairs in the living room, Kirk walked calmly and sat down waiting for the host to do the same.

"Thank you for coming. I imagine it must have been difficult for you to do that. I know I should have talked to you about it a long time ago ... But I hope you understand Jim, that feelings for me are not easy to deal with."

The blonde was serious, listening intently. Spock blinked a few times and continued. "I imagine you are hurt with me. And I am not in a position to judge. On the contrary, you opened your heart and tried several times to hit me. And every time I pushed you away..."

Kirk looked hurt directly at Spock. He did not understand what the purpose of that conversation was. After all, the brunette would have made his point of view extremely evident a month ago.

"I don't understand why you called me here, Spock. You made your intentions clear whenever you left me." Jim got up from the chair and stopped in front of Spock.

"What do you want from me? What's the real point in having called me here? Do you intend to hurt me more? There are so many questions Spock ... and never, no answer. You run away from emotions! Run away from your heart. Vulcans do that. I can't blame you for being without who you are. "

"How much less can I expect you to love me the same way ..." Jim lowered his head, he couldn't face the brunette, it hurt too much.

“Listen, Spock, I can't help but have these emotions. But, it will pass over time. And I can't blame you for not loving me. “ Kirk wanted to cry, his heart was tight.

Spock was concentrating on trying to figure out what the next action would be. He also stood up facing Jim. It was the moment.

Spock knew he might not have another chance. He looked for courage and started. "You have asked several questions previously. And I will try to answer all of them sincerely."

"You asked me what I want from you, the answer is that I want you. You asked me what is the real point in having you here, the answer is that I realized that I screwed up, exactly a month ago."

“I know it is difficult to understand. But I didn't push you away because I didn't want anything to do with you! I'm a Vulcan, Jim. My species does not live well with emotions, emotions almost destroyed my planet. “

“And looking for help in logic was what saved my species. For years I lived my life repudiating any emotion. And well, you came around changing my world upside down. You have the power to destabilize me and that is scary. I didn't know how to deal… ” 

“And honestly, I still don't quite know how. It is difficult, I need you to understand that I am doing my best now. Because the truth Jim. It's just that I don't want to hurt you. I love you. And I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do. "

Spock tried to understand what was going on in Kirk's mind, his face was filled with indifference.

Kirk couldn't believe what he had just heard. His heart was beating fast inside his chest, and he didn't know if he should try anything. Or, if the correct choice would be to wait for Spock to take the next step.

Kirk understood that he needed to be cautious, he didn't want to harm the brunette. However, his emotions acted faster and before he could reason perfectly, the desire spoke louder, and his lips were now touching those of the Vulcan.

Spock felt the air escape from his lungs. His heart raced. Kirk's lips met his. The feeling at first was strange, but at the same time it was not bad.

Vulcans do not kiss in the same way as humans. Their hands are extremely sensitive and so they show affection, love and compassion. From the touch of the hands.  
However, Spock did not push Jim away. He wanted more contact, he longed for more contact. The brunette gathered his hands on Kirk's waist to encourage the kiss.

Jim was so happy that he couldn't help but smile during the kiss. The contact lasted for some time. But they soon waxed for air. Spock rested his forehead on Kirk's, also smiling, and they held each other for a while.

The two joined hands in an intimate Vulcan moment. And so, they knew that a new chapter was started. And they were willing to spend every second of existence, next to each other.

The relationship between such different people will always be complex. But if both parties are willing to make it work. There is no force in the universe that can separate this love.


End file.
